Paradise is Sold for a Price, Not for Excuses…!

Consider a person without faith and belief who, in addition to neglecting obligatory duties such as prayer and fasting and completely ignoring the Quran, has never helped anyone in need throughout their life, and God’s creation has seen nothing from them but broken promises, lies, deception, and betrayal. You might surely imagine that such a person’s place, according to the great religious scholars and Islamic clerics, would be the deepest depths of hell… but don’t be mistaken, the doors of divine mercy and paradise can even open for such individuals.

Recently, the office of the Supreme Leader, following its annual practice, has presented tariffs for pardoning those with poor divine accounts, so that esteemed sinners and precious microbes, upon payment of relevant fines and fees, can after going through legal procedures enter paradise through the back door and enjoy endless divine blessings in the hereafter.

These faithless individuals, after settling accounts with God’s authorized representative on earth, will become people who in their lifetime do not even have one rakat of missed prayer to make up, and from the time they reached maturity have completed all their fasts in cold and heat, and alongside doing these things, have finished reciting the Quran one or several times a year and have frequently made vows and sacrifices throughout the year, and of course in their record of deeds there is no lie, broken promise, or deception recorded.

But how? What is the price? First let’s review the invoice published on the Supreme Leader’s website together so that we can then calculate the estimated price range of paradise. (Note that to facilitate matters – as mentioned below the image – esteemed sinners can refer to the electronic payment gateway on the Supreme Leader’s website to pay their fees.)

Well… let’s go to the table… first of all, for you to get a good place in paradise, you need to have no missed prayers and fasts in the first place. The total of all your missed prayers and fasts (according to the table) is two million tomans. Of course, this is aside from the fine you must pay if you intentionally break a fast, which is called expiation. The expiation for a fast according to the announced table is one hundred and twenty thousand tomans per day, which amounts to three million and six hundred thousand tomans per month.

So by adding this amount to the previous number, you reach five million and six hundred thousand tomans, and by paying this for the prayers and fasts of one year, your account with God is settled. (You must of course add seven thousand tomans of Fitrah to this amount, but since it’s small change we won’t account for it now and will add it at the end.)

But in the sixth row we have expiation for broken covenants… meaning for every broken promise, pact-breaking, and betrayal, you must pay one hundred and twenty thousand tomans so that your sin is not recorded in your record of deeds. In a normal case, a typical person commits breach of faith and betrayal two or three times per week. If we assume the upper estimate of three times per week, the monthly expiation for breach of faith would be one million and four hundred and forty thousand tomans, which annually comes to seventeen million and two hundred and eighty thousand tomans.

In the seventh row of the announced invoice, we have “expiation for oaths or vows.” Regarding vow expiation, professional sinners usually don’t owe anything to God because they essentially don’t believe in vows and spiritual obligations, so how could they have unfulfilled vows for which to pay expiation and fines. But oath expiation is different. Since sinners often resort to false oaths to deceive believers and non-believers alike, and invoke “Imam Abbas,” “the Quran,” “Muhammad’s prayer direction,” and basically everything to make their lies believable, the Supreme Leader’s office has set the expiation for false oaths at twenty thousand tomans per oath, which is indeed a fair price. If we assume a person, due to their profession (say, car or real estate brokering), takes a false solemn oath ten times per day, their daily expiation is two hundred thousand tomans, which annually comes to 73 million tomans. Of course, don’t worry, because really taking ten solemn false oaths per day is typical of professionals like market manipulators or unscrupulous car brokers, and the actual figure for ordinary liars and regular people might not even be one-tenth of this amount.

In the eighth and ninth rows, we have two recommended acts that strengthen a sinner’s position in paradise, which are completing the Quran recitation and making sacrifices… If you have spent most of your free time causing trouble for people’s families or watching pornographic films but want your record to show credit for completing the Quran twice in a year, you just need to transfer five hundred thousand tomans to the Supreme Leader’s office account. To hammer your stake more firmly in paradise, you can deposit another three million and nine hundred thousand tomans to also credit yourself with the reward of sacrificing six sheep annually on appropriate occasions like Eid al-Adha, Ashura, Tasua, Eid al-Ghadir Khumm, Eid al-Mab’ath, and Eid al-Fitr. Note that even before this stage, your position in paradise is guaranteed, and from here on, the more money you deposit into His Eminence’s account and accumulate credits and points, the more exciting options you can enjoy in paradise… options like unlimited age group group sex with heavenly maidens, massage with happy endings, BDSM with houris for specific tastes, and the like…

If you add up all the above figures and add the seven thousand tomans Fitrah to it, the total comes to one hundred and twenty-seven million and eight hundred thousand tomans per year. Of course, I know one hundred million tomans per year is a large sum, but for officials receiving salaries of hundreds of millions of tomans and merchants who have bottled people’s blood, and land grabbers and build-and-sell schemes who gamble with people’s lives using unsafe materials for more profit, these figures are really nothing. You can calculate the cost of entering paradise for yourself according to your amount of sins using this table… don’t forget that as Shahid Beheshti said: “Paradise is sold for a price, not for excuses…!”

So if you want paradise, go to the Supreme Leader’s website today to the Sharia fees section and after making the necessary calculations, pay its price without excuse or pretext. Thank you.