The story of immature brides
They are thin and delicate, girls in white with rings on their hands. The white light that shines on them is not a sign of white luck, but a childish game that is coming to an end. Immature girls who wish the game would end and they could return to their homes and spend the night with their dolls. But the night does not end. That night, not the rag dolls, but a man awaits them; a man with all the legal, religious, and customary meaning of a husband. A man who, from that night on, not only allows them to go to school and have parties, but even has control over their bodies.
The story of underage marriage is not a nightmare, it is a reality that occurs in some countries around the world, including Iran. According to the United Nations, currently more than 700 million women around the world are married under the age of 18, of which 250 million were under the age of 15 at the time of marriage.
October 11th is International Day of the Girl Child.
According to Iranian civil registration statistics, in 2015 alone, more than 37,000 girls under the age of 15 were married. According to published research, more than 90 percent of these marriages were arranged, and 75 percent of underage brides dropped out of school after marriage. Before we discuss the legal and social aspects of girl child marriage with experts, let's talk about Leila. No statistics can tell us as much about the fears and anxieties of girls facing child marriage as a woman who went to her husband's house at the age of ten. Leila, who chose her name for her interview and lives in a city she doesn't want to mention, had the courage to share with us the story of her 12 years of marriage. Leila was married to a 15-year-old boy when she was 10.
I was ten years old at the time. Marriage was not an option for me, because I was asleep in the middle of the night when there was a knock on the door and I woke up. Our neighbor brought a ring and put it on my hand. That's how my marriage was.
There was no discussion before that, even with your family?
It's like that here. Because most people know each other, there's no need to talk beforehand.
How old was the groom?
He is five years older than me. He was 15 at the time.
Was this marriage just as sudden for your wife?
It was as if they had spoken to Ali in their own home. It wasn't as shocking to him as it was to me. But I didn't know what marriage was. What was family? What was my duty now? I really didn't know these things. I hadn't even reached puberty. The night they brought the ring and showed it, I hadn't even started my period yet.
Did you go to school?
In our village, everyone goes to school until the fifth grade, and after that I didn't go. If I wanted to go to school, I would have to go... But I couldn't. I couldn't. My father wouldn't let me.
Did your siblings get married at the same age?
In our village, everyone gets married at this age. We don't have anyone over the age of ten here, single. That means all the kids here get married at this age.
Is it still the same?
Yes. Yes. It's better but……it's still like this.
How did you feel when they woke you up and put that ring on your hand? Were you scared? Were you happy? Did you think you had grown up? What was your view of having a ring and a husband at that time ?
To be honest, the ring itself was interesting to me. But I had no idea what the ring was for. One of my uncles was going to talk to my father about letting me go to their house in … and study. Because I was a first-year student. He said it was a shame. That night I was thinking that I didn’t think my uncle would be able to talk anymore. I knew that this opportunity wouldn’t come again because I was engaged and another family would make decisions for me. I knew that from then on, the neighbor would make decisions for me. Even if my father let me and my uncle let me, the neighbor, who is now my husband, wouldn’t let me. I was sad about that. I was a little scared. I knew that I would be living in the same alley again; I wouldn’t go far. But I was sad about going to another house with people I didn’t know how to treat. Who is this Ali, anyway, and how should I be with him? I was afraid of these things. I was also sad about my school.
You didn't know Ali, hadn't you seen him before?
Because Ali was a little older than me, we used to play together in the alley when we were kids. But usually in our village they go to the city or go to Tehran to work. That's why we weren't playing together anymore and I didn't recognize him after that.
How long after the ring was brought to you were you able to see Ali and find out up close who your future husband was?
That night when they brought the ring, Ali wasn't there. Only his parents and sisters were there. I saw Ali himself two or three days later, on the day of the ceremony.
On the day of the ceremony, who made your dress? Who said the first congratulations? What was the reaction of your sisters and mom?
My mother made me a dress because she was a seamstress. She put it on me herself. She was happy because I was their youngest daughter. In that sense, I was also leaving and she was relieved that I had also reached life. In that sense, she was happy.
What did your clothes look like?
My dress was ugly. Because I am petite. I am thin and my dress was too big for me. Because my mother had sewn it in a hurry. It was sewn in the size of a ten-year-old girl. But I was physically much smaller. The dress was too big.
What did you think when you saw yourself in the mirror?
I was very young. I hadn't even started my period when I got married. My body hadn't grown. I remember because my dress was shaped like a wedding dress, they put socks in my dress instead of breasts.
What did you think the first time you saw your future husband? What did he look like and how was he dressed? Did he have a beard or mustache or not?
He was also a child, fifteen years old and without a beard or mustache. He was neatly dressed. The first time I saw him on the day of his engagement, I was embarrassed and couldn't look at him. I'm not unhappy with my life, but it's like a movie in front of my eyes. How did it happen that day? Everything is black before my eyes. I don't remember what happened. I just remember being scared and stressed, I didn't know what I was doing, and I remember my hands shaking. But he was very confident. It was like he wasn't afraid at all. But I was very afraid.
What was Ali doing at that time? What was his job? How much education had he received?
Ali hadn't finished elementary school either. But I had. He works on the farm with his father.
How long did it take you to start living in a shared room or house with Ali from the time you got engaged until the wedding ceremony?
It was the same ceremony for the wedding. That night when they brought the ring, it was in the state of "appearance," meaning someone's name was visible. After that, it was the wedding ceremony.
So in the space of three days or a week, you moved into Ali's house permanently?
Yes. I went to their house. They had a separate room for us in their house.
Did you sleep in the same room with Ali from the first day you moved into your neighbor's house?
Yes.
The first time you lay next to him, the first time you were alone in a room with him, what were you thinking as a ten-year-old girl? How much did you know about what was going to happen to you? How much did you know about the marital relationship?
Before the day of the ceremony, my sister told me something. She told me what to do. Or what would happen. Which I wish she hadn't told me. If I had gone there with zero information, it would have been much better. The things she told me I didn't understand at the time. Because I didn't understand and I went to that room and experienced it, it was much worse. It was very bad. Very. Now... I'm fine now. But now it's the same thought, the same feeling. Because I was very scared at the time, I felt like, well, we got married, I got the ring and I put on the dress and I laughed and ate with you at the ceremony and the ceremony was over and I came to your house. That's enough, the game is over. But the game wasn't over. The game was just beginning. What was in my mind and what I wanted to tell her was, that's enough. It's over. Let's go to sleep. Or it's over and I'll go to my mom's house tomorrow and help her with her sewing. I was distracting myself. But it wasn't happening. He knew. I don't know. Because Ali also has an older brother. He was told or he knew how. He knew very well. But I... it was very hard for me. I still say that its effects are in me. Even now, my hands are shaking as I talk to you; when I think about it; you don't know how hard it was. Now I am 22 years old. I have severe anemia. I am weak. I don't know if you can understand my voice now. I have been sick all year. I am sick now. I consider all this to be the effects of this. I am not unhappy. But Ali could not be like this. Or at least they knew that I was ten years old. They could have let me grow up at least a little.
Were you only emotionally hurt or were you physically hurt as well?
There was no rupture, but I was in a lot of pain. I went to the doctor. Because… we don’t have a health center. I went… I was examined. There was a woman at the health center who said you’ll get used to it. Because I cried a lot in front of her. My mother wasn’t with me that day. I was with my mother-in-law, who was also standing outside. I felt comfortable with this woman. I cried in front of her. She comforted me. She said I had a case of a similar problem at my age. Don’t be afraid, you’ll be fine. At first, it’s like this. You might bleed again. If you sleep with your husband the next time, you might bleed again. You shouldn’t be afraid. This happens.
How long after your marriage did you get your period?
I was thirteen. It would be three years later.
Were you experiencing this relationship throughout these three years?
Yes. But not always. Because sometimes Ali wasn't there at all.
Can you say whether you love Ali and have a romantic view of him as a wife?
My sister always says: Love comes. It's impossible for you to live under the same roof with someone and not fall in love with them. Don't say these things to me; it's ugly for you to say these things and say I don't love him. How can you not love him when you're married? I can't say I don't love Ali now. Why, I miss him when he's not around. But it's mostly a sense of duty. I cook for him; I take care of him; I take care of his house; I take care of his mother; I take care of his honor. But that's all.
Leila, you said you don't have children. Why don't you have children?
I myself don't want to get pregnant now. Because my body is very weak. I grew up in such a way that I couldn't reach the age I was at. You know what I'm saying? I was ten years old; all of a sudden, I became weak because of this problem that happened to me. My body was way ahead of my age. My body was expected to be much older than my age. That's why I don't want to have children now at all. I mean, I won't let myself have children. Ali doesn't use contraception at all. But I take the pill myself. This is my decision. It really should be my decision. Because if nothing has been my decision so far, at least I don't want to give birth to a child.
Are you still living in your mother-in-law's house?
Yes. This is a big yard, and in the yard there are four or five big rooms, each one is a room for one person. Here, my house is on one side, my mother-in-law's house is on the other side, and then there's Ali's brother, he's also in this house, but he's in another room. They usually don't separate.
What do you think you would like to say to those who hear you, those who are likely to be mothers and think that it would be better for their reputation for their daughter to get married and leave at the age of ten?
I want them to think that I am living in the same conditions now. In the conditions my mother lived in. The village has not changed. The people have not changed. If she was pressured and people talked and she got me married at the age of ten because of the pressure, then the same pressure is there for me. Because nothing has changed. But why don't I think like her? Because I don't want to. I just want everyone to think. Ali to think. Why is he afraid? Why doesn't he let me study? Why doesn't my sister, my own sister, who tells me that you should love her, think for example? Why doesn't anyone think? I am thinking about my daughter now, a girl whose face I even know in my mind, even now if I have extra fabric, I will sew clothes for her, even if she hasn't been born yet, I now know at what age she will get married. I want my daughter to get married at 25, 30. I want this. I want her to study. I don't care what others say. What my sister says. I tell her: I'm behind you, you live in my house and I support you. I can't get a divorce to make myself comfortable. Instead, I think about what to do with my daughter.
Seven provinces have the highest rate of child marriage in Iran
Leila is not alone. She is one of 37,000 girls who, under the age of 15, wore the lucky shirt in 2015. Perhaps Leila was lucky that Ali was only 5 years older than her. Last year, 80 girls under the age of 15 went to the homes of men over 40. This is despite the fact that under the laws of the Islamic Republic, pre-pubescent marriage is prohibited, and the civil law sets the marriageable age for girls at 13 years old, with the condition of father's permission.
Kamil Ahmadi, an anthropologist based in Iran, has conducted a comprehensive study on early child marriage in Iran. He says that child marriage in Iran is geographically dispersed across different regions: “I chose the seven provinces of the country that have the highest percentage of marriages of girls and boys under the age of eighteen, the legal age recognized in the UN Charter: Khorasan Razavi, East Azerbaijan, Hormozgan, Khuzestan, Sistan and Baluchestan, West Azerbaijan, and Isfahan. In this regard, statistics and figures on underage marriages are published by the Civil Registry, but there are also many statistics that are hidden. For example, we observed many girls and boys in these villages whose marriages have never been registered, and families do not want to register them. This has various reasons. Either they are not very confident about marriage; or lack of awareness or insufficient knowledge about registering marriages causes families to not register marriages. Another factor is the fear of legal procedures and going to cities in rural areas, where they usually marry in a very traditional way and bring a local marriage officer with a manuscript and the marriage takes place. In addition, one of the parties may have legal problems and obstacles that prevent them from going to legal authorities or for other reasons. A large percentage of marriages that are common in Iran usually involve the man registering the first wife on the birth certificate and marrying the second, third, and other wives with only a manuscript from the marriage officer and not registering them.
Traditions cannot be easily eradicated.
Research on early child marriage shows that more than half of these marriages take place in villages and small towns. Mostafa Eklim, a sociologist based in Tehran, believes that the lack of development in Iran and the traditional rural nature of society, even among city dwellers, are the reasons why families are inclined to early child marriage: "People in small towns are poor and no longer care whether their daughter is eight or nine years old? They say that now a suitor has come and has a husband. Usually, those men are eighteen or younger. Because in Iran, age is not an issue for them and it is not necessary to be eighteen years old to get married. When a cleric marries them, from a religious perspective, they can start life and they think they are ready. We are a traditional and rural society. Even in our cities, people think the same way if they can and say that a girl should get married at ten years old. They still do not have enough insight into marriage in the sense of being mentally and physically ready. Once a girl reaches adulthood, they say that she is a complete woman."
Confirming Mustafa Eqlima's words was the warning of Soraya Azizpanah, the head of the board of directors of the Association for the Protection of Children's Rights, who in June of this year reported that 17 percent of girls in Iran were married before reaching the age of eighteen, and considered the rising number of marriages of girls under the age of eighteen in Tehran to be a social alarm.
At the same time as the number of girls under the age of eighteen is rising, the number of female students has also been higher than the number of male students for years. A contradiction that requires continuity and effort to change, according to Shahla Shafiq, a sociologist living in France: “I think this definition of modernity is wrong. That is, a society can become urbanized and have a university and all the tools of modernization, without achieving that modernity that implements civil rights and democratic rights. Implementing civil rights is not about enacting a law and saying that women must marry at the age of eighteen. Along with this, a series of social and educational work is carried out. In societies that have reached this stage, the process has been very long, and this long process is not possible unless it is supported, unless society is free, and unless there is social debate. You cannot eradicate pre-modern, tribal, clan, and patriarchal traditions.”
The law, a problem that has not yet been solved
The history of child marriage laws in Iran dates back to 1934. Article 1041 set the minimum age of marriage for girls at 15 and for boys at 18. This law was repealed in 1978 after the Islamic Revolution by order of Ayatollah Khomeini, and until 1990, marriage before puberty was permitted provided that the child’s guardian observed expediency. In that year, the Expediency Discernment Council approved the current law, according to which marriage of girls at the age of 13 and boys at the age of 15 is permitted with the permission of the guardian and a court decision. Nasrin Sotoudeh, a lawyer living in Tehran, says about determining the age of marriage in Iranian law: “Legal issues relate more than anything to the concept of puberty in individuals. You know that Iranian law, in the section on issues related to the age of criminal responsibility, determines punishment for individuals under the age of eighteen in a way that even subjects them to the death penalty. Even with the amendment that was made to the Islamic Penal Code in 1993, girls from the age of 9 and boys from the age of 15 are still subject to the death penalty. This is because the Iranian legislator, following some of the jurisprudential theories that exist in Islamic views, Islamic Sharia, has assumed the age of mental maturity for girls to be 9 years old and for boys to be 15 years old. This is while their rights and duties are not equal. Because the same civil law, in Article 1043, states that the marriage of girls, a girl who has never been married and even if she has reached the age of forty, is subject to the permission of her father or paternal grandfather; while if this same girl commits a serious crime at the age of 9, she is subject to severe punishments of hudud and qisas, regardless of the social and family educational context. These are the problems that exist in our laws as a whole. Because it is not compatible with the scientific standards governing today's human life.
The fourth article of the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Iran stipulates that all civil, criminal, financial, economic, administrative, cultural, military, political and other laws and regulations must be based on Islamic standards. Islamic standards in which, since the time of the Prophet of Islam, the age of puberty for girls has been set at 9 years. This Islamic rule is the basis for determining the age of puberty for girls in Iran, while in many countries of the world, marriage of people under the age of eighteen is considered illegal and sexual intercourse between a person over the age of eighteen and a child under the age of eighteen is considered a crime. Legalizing marriage under the age of eighteen and the spread of underage marriage are ongoing in Iran while a bill called the “Protection of Children and Adolescents” bill has been awaiting approval in the Islamic Consultative Assembly for years. The bill was drafted by the Center for Reform and Education and submitted to the government of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but it is still wandering in the labyrinth of the parliament’s corridors. Article 15 of this bill stipulates a prison sentence of up to two years for anyone who marries underage girls and boys, and also defines the matchmaker, the person who marries, the parents, and the legal guardians of a child who has been married as accomplices to the crime.
Farnoosh Amirshahi, a former parliamentary journalist living in Prague, says of the reasons for the delay in approving this bill: "There are many legal and even jurisprudential complications in this bill. Because some issues related to the field of children and adolescents are tied to religious and jurisprudential issues. Regarding the age of child marriage, although this bill attempts to consider young people under the age of eighteen as children, the issue of girls marrying at the age of 13 and boys marrying at the age of 15, which is mentioned in the Civil Code, has not been addressed in the new bill. However, lawyers and children's rights activists consider the approval of this bill to be a very effective and important step in clarifying the tasks of neglected laws and the ambiguity that exists in this area."
Child marriage or childhood rape
Let's go back to Leila's house. A woman who moved into her husband's house at the age of ten and had her first sexual intercourse three days after announcing her engagement. Sexual intercourse that marked the end of her childhood. Mojgan Kahn, a psychologist living in Belgium, says of the consequences of deprivation of youth: "When you put a child or teenager in a position of early marriage, you are actually depriving him of childhood and adolescence. In order for a person to reach the necessary psychological, physical and intellectual development, he must have gone through this period. Marriage, especially if it is forced and the person is not even aware of it, causes the person to live the first sexual experience, especially in the case of girls, as a terrifying experience. It is the same situation as rape that can stay with him throughout his life. Sexual instinct is something that, as a rule, you should be able to experience your body as a source of pleasure.
Unfortunately, in this case, instead of the child or adolescent experiencing his or her body as a source of pleasure, he or she experiences it as something that induces terror in his or her psyche. There are two very big reactions he or she can have. Or, he or she can cut off his or her relationship with all of his or her feelings. In fact, it is a psychological mechanism that can support the person so that he or she can continue with his or her life. As a result, the person becomes indifferent to everything, not only to his or her own sexual feelings but also to his or her surroundings and the events that are happening. And this is very serious damage and the person needs deep psychotherapy to eliminate this psychological shock. There is another model where the person is constantly in terror, which is also a kind of psychological shock.
According to statistics from the Iranian Civil Registration Organization, 1,500 teenagers under the age of 15 gave birth in the country last year. Among them, Sistan and Baluchestan province has the highest maternal mortality rate. This province has a birth rate of 5.5 percent and a maternal mortality rate of 12 percent in the country.
Despite all the cultural, social, and psychological consequences of early marriage for girls, Mohammad Esfanani, Deputy Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, has called the law prohibiting the marriage of children under the age of eighteen contrary to Islamic law and has said that if early marriages are prevented, illicit relationships will increase.
I ask Hossein Ghazian, a sociologist based in Washington, why the Islamic Republic insists on implementing early marriage despite all the negative consequences for children. Hossein Ghazian answers: “Political authorities in the Islamic Republic extract the concept of honor from the cultural traditions of our society and take refuge behind it. Behind something called honor, relationships can be defined as legitimate and illegitimate, and the legitimate can be defended and the illegitimate attacked, and this can be considered an important issue and people can be gathered behind this idea. Here, people find a voice. Their voice is linked to the voice of the government and they become complicit with it. But those children have no voice. They are children.
"They have no power in society. They die during childbirth. They are subjected to violence in their homes. Their bodies are damaged because they are not ready for sex. No one sees them because they have no voice. They are children. Those who have a voice in this society are those who can take refuge behind concepts, behind the concept of honor. A concept that is so powerful that it gathers people who may even be politically opposed to their political system behind those ideas and turns them into elements of oppression and accomplices of the political system that, by resorting to these concepts, gathers people and fights against those people."
Last March, the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child called on the Iranian government to amend its criminal code and the law on child marriage for girls, a request that has not yet been answered.
