Valentine, the Thirst for Love and the Shortage of Happiness in Iran
Last year I received an iPhone and lots of chocolate from my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. This year I don’t know what he wants to get me, but I’ve bought him a shirt, a big teddy bear, and lots of other stuff.
February 14th, which is Valentine’s Day, although it has no historical roots in Iran, has been taken very seriously in recent years, and government reactions to it have become more severe: Iranian police banned giving flowers and dolls on Valentine’s Day
Despite these threats and warnings, Iranian youth celebrate Valentine’s Day more grandly every year than the previous year.
Why Valentine’s Day excites Iranian youth so much that they ignore threats and do their thing probably has sociological and psychological roots.
Neda Afrugh, a sociologist, tells Radio Zamaneh about the special attention of Iranian youth to Valentine’s Day and how this occasion becomes more prominent every year: “Since there is no balance between sadness and happiness in Iranian society, it is natural that such conditions arise. For example, if there are 70 days for mourning in a year, perhaps we have 20 days for happiness and joy. A society that focuses on mourning and sadness finds other ways for its youth as substitutes. Ways that their nature demands—being happy, any excuse for it.”
Valentine and Muslims
Mona is a mother of two. She has planned to take her daughters to her mother’s house on Valentine’s night and “surprise” her husband with a romantic dinner and a red homemade cake. Mona wears a headscarf and doesn’t skip her prayers and fasting. She says: “When I see the excitement of Valentine’s on the street, I ask myself why shouldn’t my husband and I have a share in it? What’s better than being happy and making my husband happy?”
According to the latest UN reports and statistics, among 158 countries where the happiness indices of citizens have been studied, Iran ranks 110th. The indices of this statistic are based on variables such as annual income, having a life partner, and having freedom of choice in life. Based on this, the happiest country in the world in 2015 is Switzerland, followed by Iceland, Denmark, Norway, and Canada.
Neda Afrugh says about this: “When a country’s policies don’t provide the opportunity for happiness, people create happiness themselves. For example, while holding birthday celebrations hasn’t been customary in the past hundred years, today both the poor and the rich celebrate birthdays. Even divorce celebration parties have recently become popular. This means that people want to be happy even in the most serious and sorrowful moments of their lives.”
Sociological data shows that societies that don’t have enough reasons or occasions for happiness borrow reasons for happiness from other cultures. This borrowing is initially secret and covers a small portion of society, but gradually becomes universal to the point that after years, people in that society rarely remember where their celebration and joy originated.
Valentine, Business, and the Taboo of Love in Iran
A shopkeeper on Mirza Shirazi Street tells Radio Zamaneh: “I’ve decorated my shop for Valentine’s gifts. Teddy bears start from 50,000 tomans and go up to one million. Our biggest sales of the year are on Valentine’s Day. What’s wrong if a young girl and boy want to give each other gifts under the pretext of Valentine’s? Whether this day originates from Iran or abroad doesn’t matter. What matters is that even married couples celebrate this day. What better excuse than that?”
But consider the face of an Iranian mother and father after hearing “I’ve fallen in love” from their child and compare it with the face of, say, a European mother and father. If we set aside the commotion and excitement of adolescents and consider this situation for a university graduate, we can imagine how differently these two families would react. What causes this difference?
Saeed Sharifi-kia, father of two university student daughters in Iran, says: “Clearly, my face tenses when I hear this sentence. In a society where my daughters have no social support, hearing this sentence first brings to mind: What kind of family is this boy from? Is he an addict? Does he have a job? If my daughter wants to marry him and then becomes disillusioned with love, how does society look at her? Does she have the financial, social, and emotional capacity to live independently for herself? Will society support her or put more obstacles in her way? Because of all these, I prefer my daughter not to fall in love and instead make a sensible choice of a reasonable husband so both she and we have peace. That’s why Valentine can go to hell!”
Asghar Jahanshahi, father of two daughters and two sons who is culturally inclined and literate, but expresses his view on young people’s love these days like this: “My face doesn’t tense. First, I try to explain the difference between love and affection from Shariati’s perspective to my daughter and son. I think the love of today’s Iranian youth is exactly like the love he described in his book. Love is a spark, and since it’s in darkness and lovers don’t see each other, it’s after this lightning bolt that they can see each other’s faces in the light of it. And when lovers look at each other’s faces after the spark of love ignites, they feel they don’t know each other. Strangeness and unfamiliarity in love is not a small pain.”
Iranian, Islamic Valentine
Samane is a journalist and has decided to celebrate Sepandarmezgan, an ancient Iranian day of love four days after Valentine’s, instead of Valentine’s. She says: “I want to buy a pair of love birds for my husband. A symbol of me and him. I believe the day of love doesn’t belong to one day of the year. Every day is a day of love. But this day is just an excuse to be happy together. I prefer my reason for happiness to be based on an authentic Iranian occasion rather than a foreign one.”
In recent years, Sepandarmezgan Day has also become popular and is seen on social media that many Iranians prefer to celebrate Iranian Valentine’s Day instead of Valentine’s.
Sepandarmezd is a name for Earth. Earth is a symbol of love because with humility, modesty, and forgiveness, it loves everything. It views the ugly and beautiful with the same eye. For this reason, in ancient culture, Sepandarmezgan was considered a symbol of love.
In ancient Iran, not only months but also days had names, and in each month, once, the day and month names were the same. Ancient Iranians celebrated on the day when its name coincided with the month name. Sepandarmezgan is a celebration of Earth and honoring love, both of which gained meaning together. On this day, women gave gifts to their husbands with affection. Men also seated women and girls on the royal throne and gave them gifts.
Among these, there are also religious people who consider the day of marriage of the first Imam of Shias and his wife Fatima as the day of love and don’t believe in foreign Valentine’s or national Sepandarmezgan. They believe “if there is to be a day of love, it is the day of the union of Ali and Fatima, because they consider the origin of this love to be divine.”
A young educated religious person who is also a member of a Basij base says: “Many young people don’t even know what Valentine’s Day means. They even mispronounce it, but because the glitter of this day has captured their eyes, they don’t want to fall behind others. They don’t know the whole story is about putting money in the pockets of sellers to spread Western culture.”
In the first years of Valentine’s Day’s popularity among Iranian youth, the Iranian government handled the matter silently. However, last year, due to the abundance of Valentine’s products, even some law enforcement centers in Iranian supermarkets declared the sale of these products a violation.
Valentine in the UAE and Turkey
Gulben is a dental student in the Emirates. She talks about the importance of Valentine’s Day in the Emirates among foreigners: “It is rare that real love between a girl and boy at university reaches the point where they give each other Valentine’s gifts. If a girl and boy intend to marry and their love is serious, they give each other gifts. The gift depends on their nationality. For example, if the girl and boy are Arab, the gift is definitely expensive, but if they are European, Filipino, or Indian, a box of chocolates and a small teddy bear will do.”
Gulben says about decorating shops and shopping centers in the Emirates: “I have never seen large shopping malls in the Emirates decorated on Valentine’s Day. Some brands and shops decorate according to their personal taste, but Valentine’s Day is not officially advertised throughout the city.”
Gulben, who has grown up in the Emirates since childhood, talks about her relationship with love and Valentine’s Day, saying she doesn’t only see love in the opposite sex and buys gifts for her mother every year: “I haven’t found anyone worthy of serious love yet.”
Meanwhile, the owner of a supermarket in the Air Force area of Tehran tells Radio Zamaneh: “Many boys buy several teddy bears or boxes of chocolate. When I ask them if they have so many girlfriends, they answer that they have countless.”
Zainab, who is 16 years old and lives in Turkey, says: “Even though I hear a lot of Valentine’s Day advertisements on the radio on the way to school, I haven’t taken this day seriously because I haven’t had a serious boyfriend yet. I have never seen Turkish friends my age give or receive Valentine’s gifts. I haven’t received anything myself, so I don’t know what kinds of gifts are exchanged.”
Mustafa Güngör, a quality engineer at a large factory in Turkey, says: “I got married two years ago. My wife and I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day together every year. We didn’t have such a day in our culture, and now that it’s almost international, we welcome it.”
While Turks have provided a Turkish language equivalent for Valentine’s Day, and some radio and television networks also advertise it.
