Domestic Violence Deaths Equal Cancer Deaths Among Iranian Women

Sara Kh., FCN News Agency: From the moment she read in the newspapers: “Death and disability caused by domestic violence and cancer among Iranian women are equal,” she felt lost.

Shirin is a fugitive from newspapers. Years ago it wasn’t like this. But her husband wanted it that way. From the day she put on her white wedding dress, it was as if a condition had been written into the marriage contract that his wife must stay away from society, and Shirin’s family had accepted it. This was the custom. Of course, in Shirin’s religious family.

No one asked this 15-year-old girl’s opinion, though she loved school, learning, and studying.

Her parents said that the sound of a woman’s footsteps should not reach the ears of an unrelated man, and if it did and the man was affected, the woman would burn in hell’s fire on judgment day and suffer the consequences of her actions.

But Shirin read this news. In a newspaper she got from a friend. She spread out the newspaper under the pretense of washing vegetables and read it, so that if Khosrow came home, she’d have an excuse and all the dishes and pots wouldn’t break over the vegetables.

It was nearly five o’clock and Khosrow was slowly coming home. But the woman in the house wasn’t feeling well. She was afraid of giving her husband another excuse. She turned everything upside down. Nothing was wrong.

The food was ready. The table settings were in place, but she was still afraid.

For thirty years, she has felt this way every afternoon. And her two children, for more than fifteen years, have been in this state with her. Since they learned to tell their right hand from their left.

She asks them if they have said the afternoon prayer and wants them to go to their rooms so they won’t witness their father’s quarrels like every day.

She is certain that Khosrow will find an excuse for fighting and maybe even beating.

For thirty years it has been like this, and she has always wished her husband would love her. The same way he pays attention to her for the last fifteen minutes of each night.

But she has never achieved her wish, and every night she has reached morning with eyes wet from tears.

For thirty years she has wanted to wear a blue dress and eat meat stew with her husband and smile. And wanted Khosrow like everyone else to tell her what a sweet smile she has.

But her husband doesn’t like the color blue or meat stew, and with every sweet smile of Shirin’s, if there’s a reason to laugh, she’s cursed and insulted. Because her husband considers a woman’s laughter a sign of promiscuity and believes that a woman’s honor and modesty depend on her bitterness and silence.

Shirin knows well there is no way out. From the beginning of her life with this man, her family sang in her ear that you go to your husband’s house in a white dress and leave it in a shroud.

**Burning and Building for What Crime**

Every time she spoke of her husband’s mistreatment, her mother insisted she must endure and improve.

But Shirin read in today’s newspaper that according to researchers, tolerating violence promotes mistreatment and violence by a spouse.

She knew that her husband had a difficult childhood and suffered from stepfather’s abuse. He was deprived of education and from childhood made a living through obedience and following orders. Maybe that’s why whenever her children complained about the family conditions and mistreatment of their mother, he immediately silenced them about providing for the house and school expenses. His usual saying was: “The bread you eat and the clothes you wear, I didn’t even dream of in childhood.”

**Death is Not the Only Way Out**

Nevertheless, this 45-year-old woman always wondered what sin she had committed that she had to pay the price of her husband’s childhood and adolescence suffering.

And she didn’t know how long this situation would last, but her parents had said until death separates you. This was not a fate Shirin wished for.

The only thing that comforted her aching heart was that many women around her were in the same situation. But she believed that death was not the only way out and there must be another solution, yet her mind couldn’t reach it.

Meanwhile, today’s newspaper was turning everything upside down.

**Domestic Violence is Not a Crime**

Shirin had read in the same newspaper from an expert that the legal vacuum is the main reason for justifying domestic violence by men against their wives.

Now she knew that cursing and insulting by her husband is not a crime according to the law and has no punishment.

She had even learned that if she went to a forensic doctor to prove her claim about the permanent bruises on her body, in the most optimistic case, Khosrow would only have to pay compensation.

And that in a situation where due to lack of shelter and support she was again forced to live under the same roof with him. Which to her meant hell in every sense.

She had read from a sociologist that spouse abuse is a type of mental illness.

Shirin had tasted the bitterness of insult and humiliation from her husband with all her being.

She was glad that finally someone had spoken about the hidden pains of Iranian women in the newspapers, but she regretted that there was no way for her tormentor men and injured women compatriots to be counted. She also felt guilty because during thirty years of abuse she had always remained silent so the family’s reputation wouldn’t be damaged and no one would hear her voice.

**Hope for Improvement in the Early Years**

In the early years of their marriage, she hoped that Khosrow’s violent behavior would gradually change, but as time passed, his mistreatment worsened.

The research results announced in the newspaper also testified to this reality and emphasized that as the duration of marriage increased, the rate of spouse abuse did not decrease and social tolerance had also contributed to and intensified domestic violence.

Researchers conducted this study in Tehran and concluded that the rate of spouse abuse among married people in Tehran is 81.7 percent.

The study stated that mistreatment, physical torture, and even verbal insults and humiliation have very unfavorable effects on women’s psychological and social development. Shirin saw all these signs in herself and regretted that many women in her city were trapped in this situation.

**Domestic Violence Deprives Women of Empowerment**

She had also read: “Humiliation and degradation ultimately lead to helplessness and inability to make decisions, and will deprive women of empowerment. These victimized women not only lack the ability to provide for their children, home, and family, but are also deprived of participation and expressing their opinions in fateful social and family decisions. In many cases, this group of women, due to fear of further violence, family breakdown, homelessness and helplessness, feelings of loneliness and lack of support, and feeling ashamed, do not report the violence and most of them endure this abuse silently and quietly, hoping for improvement in the future.”

According to Islamic Penal Law, of the total violence committed against women, what qualifies as a crime in Iranian law includes: insulting, assaulting or harassing women in public places and spaces, aggravated kidnapping from the perspective of reputation damage, harassment of a pregnant woman, non-payment of alimony, marriage before reaching puberty, threats to life and psychological harm, creating communication harassment, and general provisions regarding compensation and assault and battery and resulting punishments.

Shirin realized that in none of these cases was hidden domestic violence mentioned, and the law ignored the daily destruction of women as a result of violence in homes by the closest person in their life. Of course, in her view, few women dare to pursue legal action against a man who is supposed to be her housemate.

But at the same time, turning the pages of the newspaper presented news that spoke of the efforts of victimized women to protect themselves against their husbands.

Forming 818 domestic abuse cases at the forensic medicine office of Lorestan, referring 1,642 cases of spouse abuse over six months to the forensic medicine centers of Mazandaran with a four percent growth compared to before, and the growth of spouse abuse according to court cases in Fars are examples.

**65 Percent of Victimized Women Remain Silent**

The newspaper quoted Shokoh Navabi Nejad, head of the Iranian Association for Women’s Studies, saying that according to statistics, less than 35 percent of domestic violence in Iran is reported to police, and in a three-month study of 180 complaints of domestic violence, 28 cases did not pursue legal action against the perpetrator.

She announced in an interview with ISNA that spouse abuse is more severe among rural women in Iran. But the statistics are also striking among women in the capital, and more than 20 percent of married women in Tehran suffer from psychological spouse abuse such as humiliation, neglect, resentment, mockery, and insults.

According to this researcher, psychological and verbal violence, with 52.7 percent, ranks first in domestic violence, which includes the use of foul words, cursing, shouting, and making excuses. The next ranking is second-type physical violence, which includes 37.8 percent of domestic violence against women. Slapping, punching or hitting with something else, and kicking are among the examples of this type of violence.

Shirin reviewed this part of the news with herself again: “Among women aged 15 to 44 in Iran, the rate of death or disability due to domestic violence is equal to deaths from cancer.”

Less than five minutes remained until Khosrow arrived. Shirin asked her sons to leave the house. She had made her decision. She wanted to finally stand up against her husband’s violence. If she was beaten or if Khosrow’s cursing went to the heavens, she intended to come to the courtyard and scream so that everything that was protecting her reputation in others’ eyes would suddenly be exposed. After thirty years, Shirin realized that in a situation where the law and her family did not recognize any rights for her as a human being, she had to believe in herself and fight for her human rights.

She was no longer afraid and believed that God is the protector and guardian of all those who stand against injustice.